NO TURNING BACK
Once you’ve decided … there’s no turning back. No guts, no glory. Decisions. Something that we have to make every day. Lately I’ve been thinking: Am I weak? Why am I such a chicken? People around me make life decisions that can really change their lives. They will live with no regrets. And me? Where do I see myself in 20 years? The answer is: I don’t fuckin’ know. But maybe I should ask myself where I don’t see myself in 20 years.
I ALREADY AM WHERE I WANTED TO BE. KINDA.
I’m surrounded by creative people. I’m surrounded by people full of energy. Again. I ask myself: Why the hell is it so easy for them to make life changing decisions? Why are they not scared of taking all these risks? Why is the only decision that I am able to make right now what to eat for lunch? And why does even this little decision keeps bothering me every day? The thing is: I know what I want to do in life. Partially I already am where I wanted to be. Partially. The problem is, that I aim at something bigger. More. And that are all different things. I feel like I just want too much. Can someone even want to achieve too much in life? Where to start? Should I really pursue all these goals even if I know that they gonna tear me apart because all these goals go in different directions?
ONCE YOU’VE DECIDED … THERE’S NO TURNING BACK
Literally. What stopped me from doing what I do know? Clearly, it’s something that I should have left behind long time ago. Something that happened to me that scared the fuck out of me. Something I thought was the worst decision in my life. Something that in the end turned out to be the best decision I made so far because I grew. Not only that it made me stronger but also I learned to be more careful who to trust in life. Something that made me think that it actually can’t get worse – my bad. It can always get worse.
SO WHAT’S THE RISK?
Absolutely everything and at the same time absolutely nothing. If it works out. Then fine. If it doesn’t – make it work. Why have I been so scared to do so many things at the same time? First world problems: A lack of sleep, a lack of spare time, missing sundays where I just get inspired by reading magazines and have coffee. A few days ago I decided to do all the six (maybe already seven) things that I want to do at the same time. And I’ve decided. No turning back now. People, including me, tend to think that they have the biggest problems in life. We all tend to think that we are the only ones with no time left, the only ones stressed out in our lives. At the end, if we are not satisfied… who’s to blame? Your goals and dreams and the story of your life start with you. It ends with you. Decided by you.
Ready to do nothing. For now. I’m already looking forward to this weekend because this will be one of the few from now on where I have nothing planned. Nothing special. Just me doing whatever I want to do. Whatever floats my boat. I will go out, buy a few of my favorite print magazines – yes I’m still collecting them – and flip through them. I will go out for a walk, not necessarily dressed up but only wear my favorite pair of denims. Strolling around the city, listen to some music. Besides, I have fallen in love with this colorful poncho by Salvatore Ferragamo that you can just put on no matter what you wear underneath. I already had to try it on when I saw it about a week ago. I feel like it’s upgrading any outfit anyways. Further it brings a little life to gloomy winter days. I will just enjoy and appreciate the time that I have for me. Preparing myself for what I’m up to. And I hope that the decisions that I’ve made will pay off. Cause there is no turning back.
Photos: Kirstin Dabu
Supported by Popp&Kretschmer